I was talking to my friend Amy a few days ago about how now that we’re older, making friends can be a bit more challenging than it used to be. Gone are the days of walking up to someone in Kindergarten and saying “hi, do you want to be friends?” “Ok.” And that was that. Now, even though you may be just as fabulous as you were in your elementary school days (heck, you might be light years MORE fabulous), there’s no sign you can plaster to your forehead that reads, “Top Choice, Grade-A FRIEND here!!” All you can do is put your friendly pants on one leg at a time & hope your fabulosity shines through bright enough that everyone can’t help to notice you and want to befriend you and become a part of your social web of life. 

    But what about the friends you already have? They count. And they matter. Just because you don’t see them as often as you like doesn’t mean you can’t pick up right where you left off. I know this because I have several friends where it’s that way. 

    Becky & I hadn’t seen each other in almost 5 years & when we had lunch in Brill during my trip to England this fall, it was almost like nothing had changed. Except for the precious baby she was cuddling in her arms. 

And Guin. We don’t see each other every year, or sometimes for a couple years at a time, but I don’t ever remember not knowing her. No one makes me giggle like my Guinny, & I always think of all the horrendous outdoorsy things she would make me do. It was good for me. Toughened me up a little, but outhouses are never going to be my thing.

    Emily is also one of those friends I do try to see at least once a year. We’re pretty good at making it happen too, but like the others, it’s always easy conversation. No muss or fuss. No awkward silence or fumbling for words to say. Just catching up on old times & who is doing what by way of the grapevine. 

    I had the pleasure of catching up with my friend from college, Luke last weekend too. I hadn’t seen him in at least 15 years. It was so nice to spend a few hours reminiscing about old times, crazy antics, places we’d lived and people we knew. Sometimes the reconnecting can be just as much fun as the friendship was the first time around. 

   And then there are the new friends. So I’ve REALLY tried to put my “AWESOME CAP” on this year & branch out. And I’ve met some great folks. I’ve done this in a variety of ways, sometimes it’s been through my travels, sometimes it’s been through friends of friends and sometimes I’ve even just bumped into people on that World Wide Web & struck up a conversation. So far, I’ve met two Nick’s, Becky, Jean, Rich, Jake, Carol, Bridget, James, Jay, Katje and even my newest friends by way of the Canadian Railway System, Bill & Sharon. 

    I’m sure I’m leaving some people out (& for that I sincerely apologize), but I think the key to all this is to remember that wonderful phrase from the song Guin’s Mom, Sylvia taught me in Girl Scouts all those years ago… “Make new friends, but keep the old…” Because its just “GOOD STUFF”. 

      I just had a fantastic “Girls Weekend” with 2 of my cousins in Nashville & as I sit here just reflecting on what a wonderful trip it was, I can’t help but think of the gal who probably gave it the most meaning for all of us. Her name was Armani. And she was beautiful. Body, mind and spirit. 

   My cousins, Rachel, Ali and I all went shopping over the weekend at the Oprey Mills mall in Nashville, TN as it was an overcast day, & we all were in need of a little retail therapy. Rachel had worn a wonderful shirt that said, “Immigrants Make America Great”. As we wandered the mall, we were just browsing & finally we stumbled upon one of my favorite stores, Swarovski. Everything in there is so sparkly and beautiful. The sales girl was no exception and she came up to me & was just casually offering to help me. I asked her about some earrings, and if maybe she knew about a matching necklace for a set of crystals I had but nothing too serious & then she saw Rachel’s shirt. She leaned into me & said, “You are with her, no??” And I replied, “yes, she’s my cousin.” She said, “I like her shirt! Can I tell you something??” So I said, “of course!” And she went on to tell me that she had a 14 month old son, but in two weeks she was going to do the most courageous thing she’d maybe ever done in her life & pack them up & move to New York City to try & start a better life for them. 

     She speaks 3 languages fluently (English, French and Arabic), and feels she isn’t being taken seriously in TN. She’s educated & deserves a job where her education and skills reflect that. She was very beautiful but I could she see she was SMART!! And passionate! She had fire and a drive! She was going to be great. So she said, “I’m just going to do it. Because, yes, I am an immigrant, but I matter, and I’m here!!” I said, “that’s right! You do and you are!!” She reached out & squeezed my hand so tightly. When I was paying for my earrings, I asked her what her name was and told her mine. I said, “You’re going to do great things friend!” And she said, “merci, mon ami!”

   I shared this exchange with Ali & Rachel as soon as we left the store & we all felt so uplifted by her courage. What a strong woman she is and how much she must love her son to want to give him a better life. I kept thinking about her all day & how I will always think of Armani when I wear my crystals & hope that she & her son are thriving & living their dreams out in New York City. It definitely was the strawberry frosting on the champagne cupcake of our weekend. And what a wonderful weekend it was. 

        Because that’s what women do. It’s what we’ve always done. It’s in our nature. Persistence and perseverance. Some people might call us shrews, bitches, jibber jabberers, chatty Cathy’s, or even on the rare occasion, “nasty women”, but nevertheless, we persist. We are mothers, and daughters, sisters, aunties, lovers, wives, girlfriends, partners, and friends. 

    We speak for what we know needs to be said. For what is right. For the education of our children, for the gut wrenching choices that only we should ever have to make over what happens with our bodies, for the safe passage of our neighbors and friends to places both far AND wide. To make equal wages to what our male counterparts do, because truly there is NO reason not to!! We are the SAME!!! For the right to marry whom we choose because love is love is love is love is love is love. (Thanks Lin). 

     Nevertheless, we persist because sometimes it seems like the idea of some of these steps backward are so ludicrous that we can’t fathom that they are true and really happening. It becomes incomprehensible to grasp how so much progress can be undone in such a short amount of time. The notion that a woman would choose a birth control option to outlast a presidential administration becomes reality and not a far fetched idea spread around the rumor mill on social media “fake news” sites. 

     So nevertheless, she persisted because she wasn’t about to be silenced. Not for the civil rights icon whose words she spoke, or for the male colleagues who continually demeaned her and tried to stomp her out so she would be silenced. She would not be. She persisted. And she won. Because in the end, her voice was still heard. Of the people, for the people & by the people. And that was a very good thing. 

So I wrote the other day about my frustration with the feeling of constant negativity in the air. Today I’m going to focus on how you can get your happy back. It’s certainly not a cure-all for the actual problems going on in the world, but it can help you get through each day a little easier.

First, I’m taking my cues from my two year old twin neighbors. They are experts on “getting your Happy on”. I was over there for some playtime the other day when Vivi started chanting “Night Queen! Night Queen!” I was a bit perplexed until Anna, her Mom, looked to me & said, “she means “Queen of the Night” (from Mozart’s opera “The Magic Flute”.) I was a bit surprised by this, (not because it’s not a wonderful opera, it IS), but because she’s two!! Most 2 year olds don’t go around requesting Mozart. So Anna put the “Queen of the Night” aria on YouTube and both Vivi & her twin brother Hammy started watching it, both enamored with each note Diana Damrau sang into the vocal stratosphere. It clearly made them both very happy & transported them someplace where notes far beyond what an average person can hit were beautifully sung and where the music is as melodic and transfixing as (to quote Shakespeare), “a winged messenger of heaven”.

So that was one example of how the little things can really start your day in the right direction. That same day, my fabulous Aunt Sandy texted me and basically came up with a gratitude/positivity challenge. Any time one of us thought of something or someone we admired, or loved, or that made us happy, grateful or inspired, we would text it to each other. No obligation to respond & no obligation to expound on that thought. Just a simple word was all that was required. So we started. And by the end of the day, we had gone from cheesecake to Jon Secada, clouds to Wimoweh. Justin Trudeau’s humanitarianism, Keith Urban’s hair & Michelle Obama’s EVERYTHING were also subjects we hit upon. We decided that maybe we should devote whole days to topics as we were getting rather ADD on each other & jumping around from person, place, thing, song or movie really quickly & then finally we agreed we should probably just devote a whole weekend to doing it in person while binge watching Gilmore Girls and eating cheesecake & meatloaf with mashed potatoes.  But that exchange with her gave me so much “joy rising” (to use an Oprah term), that I will probably save it & go back to reference it when I need to remind myself what it is I’m grateful for and inspired by.

I recommend everyone pick a day & do this with someone. It’s a fantastic way to challenge yourself to see all the good in the world and appreciate all that you have & all the gifts that have been given to you. Just remember to bring a mophie or extra phone charging chord with you because you will eat up your phone battery. And don’t try this at home if you don’t have unlimited texting. It’ll be very costly.

Other quick easy ways to find the joy in the simple things are often easily found right at your fingertips. Like panda videos for example. I have NEVER seen a panda video I didn’t LOVE! Heck, sometimes I turn on the Panda Cam at The National Zoo & just watch them go about their daily life. I tell myself I’m doing it “for the twins”, but I’m really doing it because I just love watching those big furry animals roll around awkwardly & then get back up & roll down another hill. Nothing is better than that. Baby panda videos are pretty awesome too. Man they can be pretty cute when they finally fatten up & grow hair. It brings me such immense joy.

Also, sites like “Awkward Family Photos” are THE BEST!! There is truly nothing better than people voluntarily posting their personal family pics or pics of people they know (or maybe even don’t know) looking supremely awkward & cheesy. It’s a real day maker right there. So the phrase “it’s the little things” applies here you see. It really doesn’t take much to bring out your joy & get your happy back. Find whatever is your “NIGHT QUEEN” and watch it over and over. It can be really, really GOOD STUFF!

 

    I’ve taken what feels like a really long hiatus from writing these posts because to be honest, I didn’t quite know what to say. I came from the high of the Women’s March in Los Angeles and the feeling that things were going to be ok and people were unifying and sticking together to now feeling a little more in despair each day. But when the purpose of your blog is to write only about “the GOOD STUFF”, I was having trouble making my lemons into lemonade. Then I remembered the 4 words my Mom has always faithfully repeated to me in tough times, “This Too Shall Pass”. 

     I made it a point to say when I started this blog that I would try to keep my political and religious beliefs & feelings at a minimum as those are two topics that even when discussed amongst friends can stir up chaos, but I also offered that I would share bits and pieces of my own personal story on here and so with that, comes some of those thoughts and beliefs just by default. I understand completely if you don’t agree with me, & if you don’t want to keep reading, then by all means, no harm, no foul. But there is a point where just sitting and not saying anything doesn’t seem to be enough. It doesn’t feel human and doesn’t feel like the appropriate response anymore. If you have a platform at all, in anyway, it is quite literally your obligation to use it and spread what is right and good with the world in a time where so much that is not is being put out there. 

    Someone asked me a question the other day when they realized I had a dissenting opinion from them when it came to the influx of refugees and immigrants. They said, “well what would you do to keep your family safe from the terrorists?” And in that moment, it occurred to me that they really didn’t see the big picture of what this amazing country is. My ancestors can be traced back to the Mayflower. Quite possibly the first “immigrants” to settle here in America. And everyone else’s do too. I am proud to have friends from all over the World too, not just America. My friend Kym is from Australia, so is Claudia. Karen is from England. Jack is also from the U.K. Luana is from Brazil. And Melissa… well she is as American as they come, but she was born in Columbia. She was adopted as a tiny baby. Jean is from Montreal, Canada & grew up speaking both French and English. Jung is from Korea and immigrated here when she was an infant with her parents. Sidi, my cousin’s boyfriend is a wonderful man who grew up in Burkina Faso and now lives in Atlanta. I wanted to say, “these people are not the ones I need to protect my family AGAINST. They are the people who would PROTECT them!” 

    If you believe that everything comes from love or fear, then you can see how the fear is clearly what is driving this whole movement right now. Because love always wins. In the words of the Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. “Darkness cannot drive out darkness. Only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate. Only love can do that.” So hunker down, be patient and know we might be in for a long ride, but “this too shall pass”. It’s “ALL GOOD”. 

      

     Yesterday was one of the most profound and proud days I’ve ever experienced as a woman. My best friend Kym, our friend Leslie and I participated in the Women’s March Los Angeles. We met early in the morning and by the end of the afternoon, we were so physically and emotionally drained it felt like we’d all run a marathon. 
   A few highlights from the march: 

* There were many more men there than I had expected to see. Dad’s, Husbands, boyfriends, brothers, sons, friends, gays, straight, young and old. You name it and they were they often spontaneously lead a chorus of “Her Body…Her Choice”. 

* There were many different issues being addressed at this rally/march from Women’s rights/Human Rights to equal pay for equal work. Climate change was a big one as was the issue of women’s health and the access to safe and legal abortions. 

* Healthcare was extremely important to many people (myself included) and it was clear many people were in support of the existing Affordable Care Act, but certainly felt there needed to be a replacement for it if it should be repealed. 

* Though it was very clear that while people felt empowered by marching, many are still very fearful for the future to come, but a message of hope was spread strongly through each person I encountered.

    At the end, while Kym and I were waiting to catch the train home to her house, we came across two women who were maybe around my Mom’s age. They were telling us their stories of how they marched years ago for causes like the Vietnam War and a women’s right to choose back before abortions were safe and legal. One of the women shared her story with me about her own experience with the need for such services back when she was young and to say it was jaw dropping and horrifying doesn’t begin to scratch the surface. 

    I came away from the conversation feeling that somehow, in someway, there was a kinship formed with these women and that they felt they needed to pass their wisdom down to the next generation of gals learning and growing. “Feminizing” and marching into uncharted territory where the future may be uncertain but if we stick together, we can surely get through anything. 

    I saw signs from every race, creed, gender, ethnicity, and age imaginable yesterday and the overall message was “we are stronger together”. No one is giving up and no one is rolling over. 

     I remember when I was a little girl, there was a song that my Mom was preparing for a children’s choir she was working with. It was called “Siyahamba”. Which is Swahili and means “we are marching” the lyrics go on to say “we are marching in the light”. I will always choose to march in the light. It’s where all the good stuff is. 

       

     I’m sitting here with my best friend Kym in her bed in Los Angeles, California doing one of my favorite things in the world to do. NOTHING. We were watching movies on Netflix but then she fell asleep & I didn’t feel like getting up & picking something else to watch. So we’re just hanging out together. We could do this for hours (& have).

      I’ve done this with her in the best of times (when it’s been a birthday or New Years, or after someone’s wedding or baby shower), and we’ve done this in the worst times. Like after my accident & countless hospitalizations, or following breakups and even when each of us has had the stomach flu. Now THAT is how you can truly measure a friendship! If you can weather the storms of the worst plague to “hit your village” (so to speak), together then it’s probably pretty safe to say you’re in it for the long haul of the friendship. 

     With Kym, I realized that she is the sister I never had. She is more than my best friend, she is family. My own blood family wouldn’t disagree with this. But she is the family we choose not born into. 

    She is the person that when I was sick, & needed to move across the country & put my things in storage 3,000 miles away, not only did she helped me organize it all, but when it was time to move the stuff out of the storage unit a couple years later, she single handedly cleared it out & made decisions based on what she knew I would & would not want. Because she knows me that well. And was willing to take on that burden. 

    I look forward to our bi-annual visits together not because we do ultra fancy things together (we actually DO that as well, but that’s not why I look forward to coming out). It’s the little things. The walks around the neighborhood, the crawling into each other’s bed in the morning & talking until we’re both awake enough to start the day properly. The curling of one another’s hair for no reason at all except it looks pretty & why not. The way we’ve learned how each other likes their tea.

      Its all these little things that make up a “sister-friend”. Someone you know would do absolutely anything for you because they have, & through the good times & the bad, you still share the love. As the song goes, “We are family…I’ve got all my sisters and me.” And that’s a really good thing. 

      

     Have you ever felt like there are people placed in your path for a reason & sometimes it’s just not clear until one day the skies part and BAM it’s like a neon sign is lit up and dragged across the sky?   I had that happen just the other day. There’s a girl I’ve know literally since elementary school. We’ll call her…Jen. We were so small when we met that I’m pretty sure our shoes from back then would fit dolls now. Anyway, our birthdays are a day apart, we were in several grade classes together over the years & I always considered her a “friend”, even though I maybe didn’t spend every day with her after school. She was always just a great, friendly person & we had lots of friends in common. 

   Fast forward a few years after college & the dawning of social media when I find myself living in bright, sunny California. Now I know I’ve talked about the fact that I lived there before but I don’t know if I ever explained WHY I moved there. Basically, right after college I went on a trip with two of my best girlfriends and fell in love with San Diego, CA so much that I cried on the plane ride home because I didn’t want to leave. It just “called” to me. I can’t explain it as anything but a “knowing” you were meant to be someplace. That “knowing” feeling has guided me several times throughout my life. 

    Back to San Diego, I moved, got a job, made friends, had all sorts of ups & downs (all stuff for another time), & then one day logged on to Facebook to see my childhood friend Jen was LIVING IN SAN DIEGO!! So basically here we were, 2 single women in our mid 20’s at the time approx 3,000 miles away from our families and living in the small-ish beach community. It was kinda crazy. So we reached out to one another. And made plans…that just for one reason or another (I was a notorious flake for about 2 years when I was anti-smiling), didn’t materialize. But we kept in touch peripherally. 

    Skip ahead to my exit from CA. I moved home to NY following some pretty major health challenges and then had another run of some more tough times so to speak. It turns out, I wasn’t the only one. Jen, also had her share of unfortunate shitstorms to weather (pardon my French), but when you’ve been through as much crap as us gals, sometimes there is no term more apropos that that one. So it turns out, not long after I moved home, she did too, & I’ll let her tell you her story someday on here if she’d ever like. She’s a real hell of a gal, but it’s her journey and therefore hers to tell. Upshot is, we reconnected “properly” (& yet STILL have yet to do so in person), but it’s coming. And soon. But this time, not just for a meet and greet and a catch up talk. No we have some goals, & ideas. We have some “business to take care of” if you will. Secret business that only two amazing gals who have been as blessed as we have and have been given the chance to ease on down that yellow brick road together could take on. I for one am really excited. Because it’s not the “beginning of a beautiful friendship”…as they say in the movies…it’s the continuation of one that is just growing & changing & becoming even more awesome with every year that passes. We’re kindred spirits. Badass chicks. Scarecrow & Tin Man. And lifelong friends who were meant to meet and change the World together. That is not just “good stuff”, it’s “great stuff”. 

      

     I was talking with a girlfriend of mine who went through a breakup this past summer and after discussing how a recent date she had gone on went, she said, “I don’t know why I’m even trying. I’m still so broken. How can I even think about moving on to someone else when I’m not even a whole person yet myself?” 

   I can remember feeling the same way after the ending of one of my more serious relationships. It was like someone had physically taken my heart out of my chest, broken it, and then put it back in someone else’s body. I felt lost and weak, and like I needed to start over again. But somehow I found the courage to do it. Because I may have loved him, but I loved me more. I was worth the work, & the fight. 

    Love can be accompanied by so many other emotions. In one of my favorite quotes from scripture, we are essentially told “love is patient & kind. It carries with it hope, faith & has no pride.” 

     But we as humans are not infallible, & though some think we are the embodiment of love, we are not the act itself, and we do have pride. We can also be angered and envious at times and experience sadness and profound grief in the name of love. 

    I saw an interview with Oprah Winfrey in which she was discussing love & she essentially said, “you have to be careful, because when you ask for love, you have to show how you can love people in spite of their failings. It’s not always the easiest of things.” 

   Another friend is experiencing a different kind of broken heart. She recently lost her mom after a long battle with an illness and she is all but a family of one now. She’s incredible courageous and said she was trying to “heal the broken parts”, by going away on a trip, but discovered some things are not so easily fixed. Instead, she asked for grace and continues her beautiful journey through life into the phase of death and back to the other side and is humbly allowing us as her friends and supporters to go along side her each step of the way with a hand on her back. 

    So what does become of a broken heart? Well the good news is, it will eventually heal. The pieces do start to fit back together and the puzzle becomes complete again. Although it might always have some battle scars from the wounds of what once was and is no more, new love and time will triumphantly heal those wounds. I’ll leave you with a favorite quote of mine from The Wizard of Oz, “Hearts will never be practical, until they can be made unbreakable”. It’s just what “The Good Stuff” is made of. 

     Kacey Musgraves is a favorite country artist of mine & she really has a knack for writing lyrics that say things with a certain flair. For instance, in her song “Biscuits”, the tag line is “Mind your own biscuits and life will be gravy”. Or in one of her songs about equality, she wonderfully states, “Follow your arrow wherever it points”. But maybe one of my favorite songs by Musgraves is not one of her huge hits, but a little known track called “Cup of Tea”, in which she says, “You can’t be everybody’s cup of tea…so you might as well just make it as you please.”

It’s a wonderful way to convey that try as you may, you probably can’t and never will make everyone happy. No matter what you do. It doesn’t matter how many different ways you put something, there will always be someone who has a different opinion or chooses the different side of the coin. So in the end, you might just as well follow your own path to happiness.

Aren’t our differences kind of the best part of life anyway? I think so. Imagine how incredibly boring it would be if we all had the same likes and dislikes. Or the same tastes in everything. Sure, you might have less political drama in your day to day Facebook feed, but you’d also have a lot less options on Netflix and Hulu. And that noodle house everyone is talking about? It would never exist! Because noodle houses wouldn’t even be a THING!

Since we’ve been old enough to pick out our own clothes and decide whether or not we like green beans, we start to develop our “sense of self”. But we also have to find a way to factor tolerance in there too.

Just this past week, there was a horrifically brutal hate crime committed in Chicago that appears to have been racially motivated and also partially provoked by the victim’s disability. Events like this not only anger me, & make me feel incredibly sad & disheartened, but they remind me time and again why it is so important to follow that Golden Rule and “treat others as you’d want to be treated”. Life is not a game & there are consequences to your actions.

I can remember being very small when I was taught simply “we love and accept all people.” Simple as that. It’s a phrase I repeat often and has served me well when I’ve met situations that have been challenging in terms of bigotry, misogyny, hatred, or bias. To just love and accept is truly a gift. It kind of goes along the same lines as “killing them with kindness”.

I still like to think there are always going to be more good people out there than bad. And that hopefully our differences can be celebrated. Take the time to get to know someone you might not otherwise. Whether person be of a different culture, race, age, or whatever their differences might be. Remember, you can always “unfriend” someone in life if things don’t go according to plan.

Opening your heart and your mind are wonderful ways to challenge yourself and grow both personally and emotionally. And that can feel like really “GOOD STUFF”.