Recently I met a newer friend and her 9-week old baby for coffee and some chit-chat. We were just getting to know each other and I never know how the conversation is going to go when the inevitable subject of “what do you do for work?” comes up. It’s not that I’m ashamed of the fact that I don’t have a traditional job, quite the opposite in fact… I sometimes feel a bit overwhelmed at having to explain why I don’t have one.

The many complex health challenges that I have faced in the past that have lead me to the place where I am at my life currently sometimes can feel a bit overwhelming to outsiders who I just meet. I am aware of how physically “normal” I look on the outside, (& what a blessing that is). I also know that because of this, it sometimes is hard to comprehend how all these crazy things could happen to one person & how they could come through it so seemingly “unscathed” and look so “fine” and “healthy” on the outside. So when I met with my new friend Sarah, she didn’t ask me “what I did”, instead, she asked me “how I enjoyed filling my days.”

It was a wonderful question and while I still did launch into a bit of my backstory for her, I also included other details I might not have otherwise thought to tell her had she not so eloquently phrased her question as she did. We had a wonderful talk and it got me thinking about all the things I really do enjoy filling my days with, like writing this blog and taking wonderfully long nature walks around different parts of the North Country. It also made me think about the things I hope to fill my days with in the future.

On Wednesday, I spent most of my day with my friend Janet and her 3 kids. Janet is currently filling her days taking care of her kids, Nicholas, 6 years old, Juliana, 4 years old and little William, who will be 2 next month and the house they live in as well as being a supportive wife to her husband, Nick.

Janet is a wonderful mother and she is one of the hardest working people I know. Janet and I were talking the other day about how she feels very lucky to be able to have the opportunity to have this time at home raising her kids. We were discussing, however, how on occasion she has experienced some “mom shaming” amongst different groups of women. In this particular instance, it was between the “working moms” & the “stay at home moms”. One group was saying “I could NEVER imagine not going to work” while the other group was equally shaming the moms who do return to their jobs right after having their babies. Everyone seemed to have an opinion on the subject and no one was right or wrong.

Even though I’m not a parent, I can absolutely relate to this because I don’t have a traditional “job” I go to every day but sometimes I feel there is a misconception about what I must do all day. I often feel like I’m judged when I tell people I’m “actually not working at a traditional job right now”, even though I know it’s the best decision for me.

Janet and I were talking about how at the end of the day, it would be nice if we could all just support each other and lift one another up regardless of who goes to an actual “job” at an office and who doesn’t. In the age of the remote workplace, things are changing so much that it’s going to be a moot point in the very near future anyway. What you do and where you work shouldn’t define you as a person and your self-worth shouldn’t be tied to whether or not you go to an office each day. There are so many other wonderful things that make us the people we are today and we both wish to focus more on what makes us kind, caring, and responsible individuals in addition to being hardworking ones. Like my new friend Sarah said, “there’s nothing wrong with sharing how much you like your job if that’s your thing, but it is also ok to talk about how much you love to run or spend time with your husband and child or just hang out with your friends.”

I am really hoping that I have the opportunity to ask the next new friend I make or person I meet, “How do you enjoying filling your time?” Because the answer can be so interesting and you can learn so many wonderful and really great things about a person by their answer. I encourage everyone to try it and really listen to the answer you are given. It’s a GOOD THING with many wonderful answers!