“We’re gonna be so skinny!” “Yeah, we’re gonna do sit-ups and sprints and toe touches EVERY DAY!!” “Look at my stomach…I hate my stomach. At least YOUR stomach is flat!!”

This was the conversation I overheard from a group of 8 or 9-year-old girls at the beach today as I sat with my friend on our blankets and soaked up some sun. For a brief minute, I thought about letting it all roll off, & hoped that maybe they wouldn’t be in for a lifetime of dieting and an abusive relationship with food. I hoped that if I spoke up, maybe the tricks to stop the hunger and fight the pounds from creeping up on the scale they inevitably would weigh themselves on daily for years to come somehow wouldn’t feel so punishing. That maybe it would be one girl less who struggles with anorexia, bulimia or overeating.

Then I confidently cleared my voice and interrupted them mid-sit-up and said, “Ladies, none of you need to be skinnier. You are all BEAUTIFUL! Healthy and strong is what it’s all about!” And then I simply flexed my arm muscle for them & gave them all a little wink and a big smile.

I’m sure they thought to themselves, “Who does that old lady think she is telling us what’s beautiful?” But maybe, for a split second, they’ll remember it at some point. Because if it starts this young, does it ever end? I support all my friends and their health and weight loss journeys and think that getting your body to a point where you can not only feel good ABOUT yourself but feel good IN yourself and in the body you have is incredibly important. We only have one body and it’s important that we take care of it and nourish it properly and give it the proper activity it needs.

My Dad used to say I was like a tomato plant as a child, “if you gave me food, water, and sunlight, I just grew!” That’s what I wanted to say to those girls today. Don’t count every calorie you eat. Save the diets for when your health requires you to make that change. Exercise because you’re a kid who can’t sit still and you love doing cartwheels so much you literally can’t stop!! Parents and adults, let’s be mindful of the diet talk, and the “fat chatter”. Kids are sponges, & they hear everything we say and mimic what they see and what we do. I can tell you not one of these little girls had an ounce of unwanted fat on them. My own struggles with food began far too young and I can proudly say they ended once and for all about 5 years ago, but it was a battle to get there and not one I would wish upon anyone else. 20+ years of unhealthy habits to relearn and re-train was far too many.

The upside to my story was a mom of another child sitting nearby happened to pull my friend over to chat a little later on and asked her if she knew me. Karen said “Yes, we’re friends” and the woman said, “Good!! Your friend said something to those girls that I had wanted to say to them myself but didn’t. I was really glad she did.” She did a GOOD THING”.

They say you should “find your people”. Link up with those who understand you and who you feel you can be yourself around. It’s a survival tactic that calls to our most primitive instincts. Animals have been gathering in herds and groupings of similar species since the beginning of time. It’s not just a way of sorting ourselves out but also a way to socialize and to find those who can support you, understand you, love you, protect you and help you grow.

These may be the people who you raise your children with. They may be your neighbors, a core group of folks from a place like your church or school or some other local meeting place. Or if you’re like me, they will be people you will wait for…and wait for. You’ll hope and pray and wait a little more until finally one day, you find them…or, really they find you. They will be wonderful people who live in your community and have lived there all along but you just needed to meet them at a women’s retreat, or a wood stacking party or some other fun local social gatherings.

Sometimes it takes work to find your people. You have to put yourself out there and you have to be willing to do the work. It can feel an awful lot like “friend dating”. And sometimes you have to take the initiative and call a new friend, remembering that other people might have some of the same difficulties and struggles meeting other people that you maybe once had, so don’t take it personally if it takes a few tries to meet up. I promise you, in the end, when you have a squad like the one I’ve been blessed with, you will realize that it’s all so very worth it.

Join things, go to meetups, ask a friend to introduce you to people because a brush fire that starts small can become a full-blown forest fire of friends. Soon you’ll be wood stacking, wood stripping and swimming in every body of water in your little community. But you’ll have the best time doing it. And the margaritas are pretty great too!! To the ladies I’ve had from the very beginning to the friends who have only recently popped into my life, YOU are TOTALLY what THE GOOD STUFF is all about!!

#SQUADGOALS

#findyourpeople

Recently I met a newer friend and her 9-week old baby for coffee and some chit-chat. We were just getting to know each other and I never know how the conversation is going to go when the inevitable subject of “what do you do for work?” comes up. It’s not that I’m ashamed of the fact that I don’t have a traditional job, quite the opposite in fact… I sometimes feel a bit overwhelmed at having to explain why I don’t have one.

The many complex health challenges that I have faced in the past that have lead me to the place where I am at my life currently sometimes can feel a bit overwhelming to outsiders who I just meet. I am aware of how physically “normal” I look on the outside, (& what a blessing that is). I also know that because of this, it sometimes is hard to comprehend how all these crazy things could happen to one person & how they could come through it so seemingly “unscathed” and look so “fine” and “healthy” on the outside. So when I met with my new friend Sarah, she didn’t ask me “what I did”, instead, she asked me “how I enjoyed filling my days.”

It was a wonderful question and while I still did launch into a bit of my backstory for her, I also included other details I might not have otherwise thought to tell her had she not so eloquently phrased her question as she did. We had a wonderful talk and it got me thinking about all the things I really do enjoy filling my days with, like writing this blog and taking wonderfully long nature walks around different parts of the North Country. It also made me think about the things I hope to fill my days with in the future.

On Wednesday, I spent most of my day with my friend Janet and her 3 kids. Janet is currently filling her days taking care of her kids, Nicholas, 6 years old, Juliana, 4 years old and little William, who will be 2 next month and the house they live in as well as being a supportive wife to her husband, Nick.

Janet is a wonderful mother and she is one of the hardest working people I know. Janet and I were talking the other day about how she feels very lucky to be able to have the opportunity to have this time at home raising her kids. We were discussing, however, how on occasion she has experienced some “mom shaming” amongst different groups of women. In this particular instance, it was between the “working moms” & the “stay at home moms”. One group was saying “I could NEVER imagine not going to work” while the other group was equally shaming the moms who do return to their jobs right after having their babies. Everyone seemed to have an opinion on the subject and no one was right or wrong.

Even though I’m not a parent, I can absolutely relate to this because I don’t have a traditional “job” I go to every day but sometimes I feel there is a misconception about what I must do all day. I often feel like I’m judged when I tell people I’m “actually not working at a traditional job right now”, even though I know it’s the best decision for me.

Janet and I were talking about how at the end of the day, it would be nice if we could all just support each other and lift one another up regardless of who goes to an actual “job” at an office and who doesn’t. In the age of the remote workplace, things are changing so much that it’s going to be a moot point in the very near future anyway. What you do and where you work shouldn’t define you as a person and your self-worth shouldn’t be tied to whether or not you go to an office each day. There are so many other wonderful things that make us the people we are today and we both wish to focus more on what makes us kind, caring, and responsible individuals in addition to being hardworking ones. Like my new friend Sarah said, “there’s nothing wrong with sharing how much you like your job if that’s your thing, but it is also ok to talk about how much you love to run or spend time with your husband and child or just hang out with your friends.”

I am really hoping that I have the opportunity to ask the next new friend I make or person I meet, “How do you enjoying filling your time?” Because the answer can be so interesting and you can learn so many wonderful and really great things about a person by their answer. I encourage everyone to try it and really listen to the answer you are given. It’s a GOOD THING with many wonderful answers!