Ten years ago today I chose myself. I walked out of a relationship that was very toxic. I was living with a man I was in a relationship with and I finally reached my breaking point. I took my laundry basket, my jewelry box and a set of steak knives and jumped off a metaphorical cliff. I had to trust that there would be water below. And there was.

But let’s back up. How did I get myself to the edge of that cliff? How had I backed myself into such a corner?

I have always believed that nearly everything in life comes from a place of love or fear. I had lost my self worth. I had started to fear I wasn’t “good enough”. That maybe I wasn’t pretty enough or strong enough or smart enough to make it on my own. I had let fear into my life and I let it overtake me. I began to withdraw from the people I loved and started to obsessively worry. I would check my phone all the time, I would always answer it if my boyfriend called or texted me and my plans were always whatever he was doing.

He was a narcissist. So he didn’t have a care in the World as far as I was concerned. If I was contributing to his life & well-being then that was great, but if not, then forget me. I was just a pain in the ass he would deal with later.

I put up with so much more than I should have or ever imagined I would. I never will again. I know now it was something I needed to go through to become the strong woman I am today. The cheating, the name calling, the silent treatments, the alienation, the humiliation. All of it was so I would find my self worth again. So I would learn that as much as I may have thought I loved him…in the end, I loved me more. It’s not only a GOOD thing. It’s the BEST thing. The love is always more powerful than the fear. Ten years ago today I chose myself…and we’ve never been happier.