When I began writing this blog, I found that my voice has reached far beyond what I ever could have imagined in my wildest dreams. The number of people from such diverse places who have read this blog has been mind blowing. Readers from over 20 different countries all over the World have taken the time to read & share in “Just The Good Stuff”. Sometimes I am reminded that the subjects I write about are ones that may have an impact far beyond the stories I am telling at the moment.

In my last post, I wrote about how it was the anniversary of when I left a toxic relationship that had become emotionally harmful & left me feeling wounded & raw. I then began to regain my inner strength back & rebuild my inner core & self esteem which has helped make me the strong, confident woman I am today.

In writing that particular post, I felt I was “letting go” of that particular piece & bringing some closure to that chapter of my life. What I didn’t anticipate was the vast number of people it would reach who would then write to me sharing their similar experiences and stories.

Ladies, (and gentlemen too,) I hear you!! You are brave & strong & so worthy. I know it’s scary & it feels like it’s a long way down to jump off that metaphorical cliff, but rest assured, there is water below!! You will be safe & cared for. I will be there for you and others will be too. And for those of you that have made the decision to choose yourself, “Bravo”! I know it’s not easy, but it’s worth it.

We all deserve to live our best lives & to be happy. Sometimes this means making changes that are scary & uprooting. Leaving relationships is never easy, especially if there was ever love there in the first place. But like Tina Turner so famously said in her autobiography, at the end of the day, “What’s Love Got to Do With It?”

Sometimes love just isn’t enough to make something work if it’s not the right situation & we all owe it to ourselves to “find our happy”. Leaving a relationship may be the only way to do that.

Love is a complex concept. Sometimes love is accompanied by excitement, happiness and opportunity. But other times, it can come with feelings like jealousy, heartbreak, anxiety, & a whole host of other not so positive emotions. Its different for every person and we all have to be able to evaluate our individual journeys and take them for what they are. It’s important to find the courage deep within and know that we can make it through. Through the good, the bad, the ugly…and the heartbreak.

There is a beautiful song written by Lynne Ahrens & Stephen Flaherty from one of my favorite Broadway musicals, “Once On This Island” that speaks to this very thing. In the song “Human Heart” there is a particularly meaningful verse that says,

“You are part of all who took the journey and managed to endure. The ones who knew such tenderness. The ones who felt so sure. The ones who came before you. The others yet to come. And those who you will teach it to. And those you learned it from. You are part, part of the human heart.”

I believe we can all help teach each other how to get through these tough times, whether it’s by simply talking about them & not remaining silent any longer, or by offering a shoulder to lean on, a hand to hold or an ear to bend when the time is right, or just by giving a warm hug that says, “I see you, I feel you, & it’s going to be ok”. Validation is often the key to feeling like it’s ok to move forward when you are just starting the process of rebuilding yourself.

Thank you to all my brave friends out there who reached out to me and shared your stories after reading the blog “Choose Yourself”. You are magnificent souls & your best life is yet to come. And it is going to be so full of JUST THE GOOD STUFF.

Ten years ago today I chose myself. I walked out of a relationship that was very toxic. I was living with a man I was in a relationship with and I finally reached my breaking point. I took my laundry basket, my jewelry box and a set of steak knives and jumped off a metaphorical cliff. I had to trust that there would be water below. And there was.

But let’s back up. How did I get myself to the edge of that cliff? How had I backed myself into such a corner?

I have always believed that nearly everything in life comes from a place of love or fear. I had lost my self worth. I had started to fear I wasn’t “good enough”. That maybe I wasn’t pretty enough or strong enough or smart enough to make it on my own. I had let fear into my life and I let it overtake me. I began to withdraw from the people I loved and started to obsessively worry. I would check my phone all the time, I would always answer it if my boyfriend called or texted me and my plans were always whatever he was doing.

He was a narcissist. So he didn’t have a care in the World as far as I was concerned. If I was contributing to his life & well-being then that was great, but if not, then forget me. I was just a pain in the ass he would deal with later.

I put up with so much more than I should have or ever imagined I would. I never will again. I know now it was something I needed to go through to become the strong woman I am today. The cheating, the name calling, the silent treatments, the alienation, the humiliation. All of it was so I would find my self worth again. So I would learn that as much as I may have thought I loved him…in the end, I loved me more. It’s not only a GOOD thing. It’s the BEST thing. The love is always more powerful than the fear. Ten years ago today I chose myself…and we’ve never been happier.