Yesterday was one of the most profound and proud days I’ve ever experienced as a woman. My best friend Kym, our friend Leslie and I participated in the Women’s March Los Angeles. We met early in the morning and by the end of the afternoon, we were so physically and emotionally drained it felt like we’d all run a marathon. 
   A few highlights from the march: 

* There were many more men there than I had expected to see. Dad’s, Husbands, boyfriends, brothers, sons, friends, gays, straight, young and old. You name it and they were they often spontaneously lead a chorus of “Her Body…Her Choice”. 

* There were many different issues being addressed at this rally/march from Women’s rights/Human Rights to equal pay for equal work. Climate change was a big one as was the issue of women’s health and the access to safe and legal abortions. 

* Healthcare was extremely important to many people (myself included) and it was clear many people were in support of the existing Affordable Care Act, but certainly felt there needed to be a replacement for it if it should be repealed. 

* Though it was very clear that while people felt empowered by marching, many are still very fearful for the future to come, but a message of hope was spread strongly through each person I encountered.

    At the end, while Kym and I were waiting to catch the train home to her house, we came across two women who were maybe around my Mom’s age. They were telling us their stories of how they marched years ago for causes like the Vietnam War and a women’s right to choose back before abortions were safe and legal. One of the women shared her story with me about her own experience with the need for such services back when she was young and to say it was jaw dropping and horrifying doesn’t begin to scratch the surface. 

    I came away from the conversation feeling that somehow, in someway, there was a kinship formed with these women and that they felt they needed to pass their wisdom down to the next generation of gals learning and growing. “Feminizing” and marching into uncharted territory where the future may be uncertain but if we stick together, we can surely get through anything. 

    I saw signs from every race, creed, gender, ethnicity, and age imaginable yesterday and the overall message was “we are stronger together”. No one is giving up and no one is rolling over. 

     I remember when I was a little girl, there was a song that my Mom was preparing for a children’s choir she was working with. It was called “Siyahamba”. Which is Swahili and means “we are marching” the lyrics go on to say “we are marching in the light”. I will always choose to march in the light. It’s where all the good stuff is. 

       

     I’m sitting here with my best friend Kym in her bed in Los Angeles, California doing one of my favorite things in the world to do. NOTHING. We were watching movies on Netflix but then she fell asleep & I didn’t feel like getting up & picking something else to watch. So we’re just hanging out together. We could do this for hours (& have).

      I’ve done this with her in the best of times (when it’s been a birthday or New Years, or after someone’s wedding or baby shower), and we’ve done this in the worst times. Like after my accident & countless hospitalizations, or following breakups and even when each of us has had the stomach flu. Now THAT is how you can truly measure a friendship! If you can weather the storms of the worst plague to “hit your village” (so to speak), together then it’s probably pretty safe to say you’re in it for the long haul of the friendship. 

     With Kym, I realized that she is the sister I never had. She is more than my best friend, she is family. My own blood family wouldn’t disagree with this. But she is the family we choose not born into. 

    She is the person that when I was sick, & needed to move across the country & put my things in storage 3,000 miles away, not only did she helped me organize it all, but when it was time to move the stuff out of the storage unit a couple years later, she single handedly cleared it out & made decisions based on what she knew I would & would not want. Because she knows me that well. And was willing to take on that burden. 

    I look forward to our bi-annual visits together not because we do ultra fancy things together (we actually DO that as well, but that’s not why I look forward to coming out). It’s the little things. The walks around the neighborhood, the crawling into each other’s bed in the morning & talking until we’re both awake enough to start the day properly. The curling of one another’s hair for no reason at all except it looks pretty & why not. The way we’ve learned how each other likes their tea.

      Its all these little things that make up a “sister-friend”. Someone you know would do absolutely anything for you because they have, & through the good times & the bad, you still share the love. As the song goes, “We are family…I’ve got all my sisters and me.” And that’s a really good thing. 

      

     Have you ever felt like there are people placed in your path for a reason & sometimes it’s just not clear until one day the skies part and BAM it’s like a neon sign is lit up and dragged across the sky?   I had that happen just the other day. There’s a girl I’ve know literally since elementary school. We’ll call her…Jen. We were so small when we met that I’m pretty sure our shoes from back then would fit dolls now. Anyway, our birthdays are a day apart, we were in several grade classes together over the years & I always considered her a “friend”, even though I maybe didn’t spend every day with her after school. She was always just a great, friendly person & we had lots of friends in common. 

   Fast forward a few years after college & the dawning of social media when I find myself living in bright, sunny California. Now I know I’ve talked about the fact that I lived there before but I don’t know if I ever explained WHY I moved there. Basically, right after college I went on a trip with two of my best girlfriends and fell in love with San Diego, CA so much that I cried on the plane ride home because I didn’t want to leave. It just “called” to me. I can’t explain it as anything but a “knowing” you were meant to be someplace. That “knowing” feeling has guided me several times throughout my life. 

    Back to San Diego, I moved, got a job, made friends, had all sorts of ups & downs (all stuff for another time), & then one day logged on to Facebook to see my childhood friend Jen was LIVING IN SAN DIEGO!! So basically here we were, 2 single women in our mid 20’s at the time approx 3,000 miles away from our families and living in the small-ish beach community. It was kinda crazy. So we reached out to one another. And made plans…that just for one reason or another (I was a notorious flake for about 2 years when I was anti-smiling), didn’t materialize. But we kept in touch peripherally. 

    Skip ahead to my exit from CA. I moved home to NY following some pretty major health challenges and then had another run of some more tough times so to speak. It turns out, I wasn’t the only one. Jen, also had her share of unfortunate shitstorms to weather (pardon my French), but when you’ve been through as much crap as us gals, sometimes there is no term more apropos that that one. So it turns out, not long after I moved home, she did too, & I’ll let her tell you her story someday on here if she’d ever like. She’s a real hell of a gal, but it’s her journey and therefore hers to tell. Upshot is, we reconnected “properly” (& yet STILL have yet to do so in person), but it’s coming. And soon. But this time, not just for a meet and greet and a catch up talk. No we have some goals, & ideas. We have some “business to take care of” if you will. Secret business that only two amazing gals who have been as blessed as we have and have been given the chance to ease on down that yellow brick road together could take on. I for one am really excited. Because it’s not the “beginning of a beautiful friendship”…as they say in the movies…it’s the continuation of one that is just growing & changing & becoming even more awesome with every year that passes. We’re kindred spirits. Badass chicks. Scarecrow & Tin Man. And lifelong friends who were meant to meet and change the World together. That is not just “good stuff”, it’s “great stuff”. 

      

     I was talking with a girlfriend of mine who went through a breakup this past summer and after discussing how a recent date she had gone on went, she said, “I don’t know why I’m even trying. I’m still so broken. How can I even think about moving on to someone else when I’m not even a whole person yet myself?” 

   I can remember feeling the same way after the ending of one of my more serious relationships. It was like someone had physically taken my heart out of my chest, broken it, and then put it back in someone else’s body. I felt lost and weak, and like I needed to start over again. But somehow I found the courage to do it. Because I may have loved him, but I loved me more. I was worth the work, & the fight. 

    Love can be accompanied by so many other emotions. In one of my favorite quotes from scripture, we are essentially told “love is patient & kind. It carries with it hope, faith & has no pride.” 

     But we as humans are not infallible, & though some think we are the embodiment of love, we are not the act itself, and we do have pride. We can also be angered and envious at times and experience sadness and profound grief in the name of love. 

    I saw an interview with Oprah Winfrey in which she was discussing love & she essentially said, “you have to be careful, because when you ask for love, you have to show how you can love people in spite of their failings. It’s not always the easiest of things.” 

   Another friend is experiencing a different kind of broken heart. She recently lost her mom after a long battle with an illness and she is all but a family of one now. She’s incredible courageous and said she was trying to “heal the broken parts”, by going away on a trip, but discovered some things are not so easily fixed. Instead, she asked for grace and continues her beautiful journey through life into the phase of death and back to the other side and is humbly allowing us as her friends and supporters to go along side her each step of the way with a hand on her back. 

    So what does become of a broken heart? Well the good news is, it will eventually heal. The pieces do start to fit back together and the puzzle becomes complete again. Although it might always have some battle scars from the wounds of what once was and is no more, new love and time will triumphantly heal those wounds. I’ll leave you with a favorite quote of mine from The Wizard of Oz, “Hearts will never be practical, until they can be made unbreakable”. It’s just what “The Good Stuff” is made of. 

     Kacey Musgraves is a favorite country artist of mine & she really has a knack for writing lyrics that say things with a certain flair. For instance, in her song “Biscuits”, the tag line is “Mind your own biscuits and life will be gravy”. Or in one of her songs about equality, she wonderfully states, “Follow your arrow wherever it points”. But maybe one of my favorite songs by Musgraves is not one of her huge hits, but a little known track called “Cup of Tea”, in which she says, “You can’t be everybody’s cup of tea…so you might as well just make it as you please.”

It’s a wonderful way to convey that try as you may, you probably can’t and never will make everyone happy. No matter what you do. It doesn’t matter how many different ways you put something, there will always be someone who has a different opinion or chooses the different side of the coin. So in the end, you might just as well follow your own path to happiness.

Aren’t our differences kind of the best part of life anyway? I think so. Imagine how incredibly boring it would be if we all had the same likes and dislikes. Or the same tastes in everything. Sure, you might have less political drama in your day to day Facebook feed, but you’d also have a lot less options on Netflix and Hulu. And that noodle house everyone is talking about? It would never exist! Because noodle houses wouldn’t even be a THING!

Since we’ve been old enough to pick out our own clothes and decide whether or not we like green beans, we start to develop our “sense of self”. But we also have to find a way to factor tolerance in there too.

Just this past week, there was a horrifically brutal hate crime committed in Chicago that appears to have been racially motivated and also partially provoked by the victim’s disability. Events like this not only anger me, & make me feel incredibly sad & disheartened, but they remind me time and again why it is so important to follow that Golden Rule and “treat others as you’d want to be treated”. Life is not a game & there are consequences to your actions.

I can remember being very small when I was taught simply “we love and accept all people.” Simple as that. It’s a phrase I repeat often and has served me well when I’ve met situations that have been challenging in terms of bigotry, misogyny, hatred, or bias. To just love and accept is truly a gift. It kind of goes along the same lines as “killing them with kindness”.

I still like to think there are always going to be more good people out there than bad. And that hopefully our differences can be celebrated. Take the time to get to know someone you might not otherwise. Whether person be of a different culture, race, age, or whatever their differences might be. Remember, you can always “unfriend” someone in life if things don’t go according to plan.

Opening your heart and your mind are wonderful ways to challenge yourself and grow both personally and emotionally. And that can feel like really “GOOD STUFF”.

   

    On this first day of the year of 2017, I find myself looking forward to a year of “new light and blazing trails” as my friend Anna so wonderfully put it. I have an overwhelming sense of hope in my heart. 

    I think it’s because I’ve been to the dark side. I’ve been to a place of hopelessness and in a pit of despair. And let me tell you, the light, the hope, the “good”, is so much better. 

    It’s not always easy, but sometimes it’s necessary to do the work. Make the change. Follow your arrow. If it’s leaving the job you are so miserable at, or making the move to the new city. Ending that relationship that has run its course or starting that journey towards wellness you’ve put off for far too long. In the end, your happiness and overall life’s wellbeing are what matter most. You only get one life to life. It is quite literally your duty to live it fully and to the best of your ability. 

    I know we all still have some adjustments ahead. There are bound to be changes, and transitions that make us all feel a little disjointed and out of place, but as my friend Brunson would say, “the dust will settle and the caged bird will sing again”. Because in times of tragedy there is always triumph. In times of sadness, there is always something to be glad in. After the rain, the sun will always shine. And that’s what hope is about. 

    I hope we can all be a little kinder to each other this year. Even if it’s just with a breath of tolerance. Or a random act of kindness. A hug, a pat on the back or a quick note to express thanks. Don’t post that snarky comment online or better yet, post one of love and kindness. 

    There is a quote in the movie “New Years Eve” that I found especially meaningful last night when I heard it. “The one thing that turns the world from a longing place to a beautiful place…is love. Love and any of it’s forms. Love gives us hope.” 

    I hope this coming year brings you nothing but lots and lots of VERY, VERY GOOD STUFF! 

     So there’s an awful lot of people out there who can not WAIT for this year to be over. And while I understand that there have been challenges that have accompanied the last 366 days, in the spirit of this blog, I’m going to try and focus on the good that happened instead. After all, I’ve definitely had worse years, that’s for sure.     So as Julie Andrews would say, “let’s start at the very beginning”. 

   2016, saw me FINALLY making my way back to California in January after not one, not two, but THREE attempts to make it out there in 2015 and I got to spend an extra (& unexpected) 3 days with my best friend Kym on this trip! 

   Then in February my friend Karen gave birth to her little boy Mason! He is just the cutest & we welcomed him something fierce! 

    March was met with a flurry of activity and Mom & I went on our 2nd Mother/Daughter trip to Florida where we saw lots of different family and friends in a multitude of places from Amelia Island to The Villages, to Cocoa Beach & “The Hermitage Artist Retreat” in Englewood, Florida. 

    April was a trip down to NYC to see Tony Award winning musical “The Color Purple” (& WOW) it was everything we could have hoped for and MORE!! 

      May brought us our friends The Dring’s & The Andrade’s from England and Brazil respectively for Jack & Luana’s college graduation. 

     June was when I went to Nashville, TN with my Mom and our friend Stephanie for the summer NAMM show. It was great to be back in Music City after over a decade and for such a great music trade show. It was also the month I had to say goodbye to my dear friend Jenna. Oh how I missed her when it was time for her to go, but knowing she would spread her wings and fly only filled me with goodness. 

   July was a trip to Massachusetts for a bridal shower/bachelorette extraordinaire! A great time with two of my cousins and a group of girls who would turn out to be a ton of fun!! 

     August was a busy month! My friend Janet had her beautiful baby William in the beginning and then at the end, my Dad, brother Matt & I all went to California for my Nana Mo’s 90th birthday!! It was a great trip & we saw both my cousin Emma & my BFF Kym. 

    Then in September I turned 35 while my two small friends across the street turned 2 (two days later). The celebrations were “outrageous” as you could expect! Hahaha. 

    In October my cousin Ali married Tyler & our large extended family was mostly brought together again just outside Boston. Then later in the month, I went on my first solo trip overseas and saw three beautiful, different parts of England, & fell so deeply in love with it, I think I just might have to go back! 

    November brought me home from my trip and it also welcomed some new friends into my life and gave me a chance to get to know some other people who are really important in my life better.       

     December was a gift in so many ways as my family was all together for Christmas in our own home around our own tree, and everyone (more or less) was healthy. Including me. I was given the “all clear” two days before Christmas that my blood clots were under control & things are looking “good”.  

    So this was my year. The play by play. Sure, there are things I’m leaving out, like when my wonderful friend Amy took a huge, courageous leap & moved to a different city to start a new job & “get her happy back” or how my brother fell in love. Or how about when we added our 4th “Strong Lady” to our group, or in August when Mel married Cesca & our “Cooter” family grew just a little bigger. 

     I’d also like to give a shout out to Zac, Brandi, Emily & Amy, Eddie, Elvis, Patti, Jennifer & Cynthia for your amazing live performances. You were all what the “Good Stuff” is made of. Thanks for the memories.