I recently turned on the TV after one of the many protests in one of the many cities undergoing strife in America right now. I was struck by the image not of looting or rioting or thick police lines, several men deep, but of a man, probably a few years younger than myself approaching a police officer in uniform with a shirt on that said “FREE HUGS”. The officer immediately thrust his arms out and took the man into an embrace and then passed him along to his co-worker as did the next and the next. The free “hugger” probably delivered about 6 hugs total before stepping back into the crowd and addressing naysayers that then accused him of “crossing the picket line” and “going to the other team”. 

    But the hugger was not deterred. He simply started to embrace those who were afraid of his peaceful strategy to bring folks together and sort out the issues. Talking wasn’t his objective. Just hugs. Love, peace, some understanding that if you can “feel the love”, you can heal the problem. 

    Maybe that is idealistic and it certainly doesn’t work in all situations, but I learned the importance of hugs and how powerful they can be when I had a co-worker at my first job out of college. I worked with an older lady every day who could be quite ornery & wasn’t always the most friendly or forthcoming with smiles, but still I trudged on. I tried to smile & “kill her with kindness” as they say. One day she said to me, “how is it that you can be so perky?” I replied, “I’m just trying to be friendly. I can tone it down if you need.” She said back, “No dear, please don’t. I’m sorry if I’m appearing cross with you. You see, my husband has ALS, and he’s not doing very well. It’s hard for me to leave him each day. I know I need to come here to get out of the house & do something with myself but it’s just hard to think about what he’s going through. I worry that he’s in pain, that he knows what’s happening but can’t do anything about it. He tells me he wants me to come here each day & continue with my life, but I guess I feel guilty, that’s all.” 

    After she shared this with me, I smiled at her & said, “I’m really glad you come here every day too. I think you’re great. And you always have me to talk to if you need.” Then I totally crossed the professional co-worker boundary & asked her if she’d like a hug. She said she would & it was like a wall crumbled around her. I realized then that no one had hugged this woman in so long it actually was a bit of a shock to her system when I touched her. Sometimes all it takes is that one simple touch to just start to heal. Studies have shown that premature babies respond to being held and rocked and actually prescribe physical contact as a means to encourage growth and development when a baby is in the NICU. 

    My twin neighbors, preemies themselves, have a special bond that is unlike anything I’ve ever seen. For the first year and a half of their lives, “Hammy” would always try to have a part of his body touching “Vivi” if they were sitting and playing together. Whether it was his hip, or his the back of his arm, he just liked the physical comfort of knowing she was there. Their Mom & I would speculate & wonder if it might be because when they were in the womb, they were always touching & he still liked that physical reminder that his sister was still near to him. From the first time he learned what a hug & kiss were, she was the person he bestowed 90% of them on. To say, I have thousands of pictures of this is NOT an understatement and it’s a period in their lives I feel so blessed to have witnessed. Hugs heal. Physically, emotionally, spiritually. All you need is hugs. “It’s the good stuff.” 

Yesterday I wrote about how one of my oldest friends, Athena makes me laugh. And the response was really overwhelming. It got me thinking about the importance of friendships, especially girlfriends in our lives.

While I was on a recent trip to England while talking to my friend Erica over a “proper” burger and a point we were discussing how the desire to find quality girlfriends is something so innate in both of us. It’s as essential to having a good job or place to live.

I’ve been very blessed that throughout my life, my circle has always had many different, wonderful faces of strong, beautiful, intelligent women in it. From my friends from childhood like Jennie, Guin, Emily & Ali, I’ve always known I could count on those ladies to support me and love me for who I was and always have been. They’ve known me from the beginning and that’s a very cool (& rare) thing.

“The Cooters” from my college days, is a group all unto themselves. Those gals could rule a small country (& just might someday). I’ll never forget meeting the bulk of them at a memorial service for my dearest childhood friend, Laura when Melissa, one of “The Cooters”, came up to me as I was crying my eyes out in the bushes & trying not to be physically ill & said, “come on, let’s go. It looks like you could use some new friends.” And a friendship (& sisterhood) was born.

The ladies I met in college will always hold a special place in my heart as well as it was such a time of growth for me. They helped shape me into who I am, (& boy did we have fun doing it too). Sara, Valerie, Danielle, Courtney, Elissa, Terese and Sarah Rose, you all made Potsdam the first time around an experience unto itself and did so with grace, beauty & a pinch of something spicy. Thank you.

My California girls, Kym, Becky, Frances, Roxanne, & Libby. Well, they were truly lifesavers. On more than one occasion those ladies all went above and beyond the call of friendship and stepped in to help me when I needed them most. That is true love & devotion right there & I was beyond blessed to have crossed paths which each of them. (Side note: Nothing was more special than meeting up with Becky & her new baby Isla this fall outside London on my recent trip to England. It was as if no time had passed at all & we picked up right where we left off.)

Rounding out my list of amazing females are my Potsdam Gals: Karen, (& my “Strong Ladies”) Amy, Jenna, Janet, and Anna. Each woman has offered me something unique & different that has made our friendship special and worthwhile. Some, you cultivate more than others and some you just let bloom into what they’re going to be. Jenna & I knew each other in college and then reconnected over a decade later when she came back to teach in Potsdam. She’s left the area again now but remains one of my dearest friends. Amy has also left, but will always have a place in my heart as one of my first girlfriends I made when I moved back home. Janet was one of my inspirations for writing this piece today as we were discussing all the joys of womanhood this morning and laughing & I realized how truly lucky I am to have her in my life. And Anna is such a dear soul who shares her beautiful family with me & her love & light on a daily basis.

“K” & the “Strong Ladies” have been such a tremendous sense of support for me over the past couple of years & it was so wonderful to be able to go with her & see her childhood home in England this fall. I met some of her “girls” whilst on that trip and got a glimpse into what they were all like as kids and how their friendships have grown over the years too.

I’d be remised not to mention my female cousins in this list of women friends too. I’m so fortunate that I have such a wonderful family and that I get along with them all as well as I do. Rachel, Ali, Emma, Roberta, Kate, Heather & Hillary are each dynamic, funny & beautiful women in their own right. And I really enjoy spending time with each and every one of them, OUTSIDE from family functions!!! Hahaha!

Over the past few months, I’ve been logging into a Facebook group called “Pantsuit Nation” which I can only describe as a type of “secret sisterhood” where people can share their stories in a safe & welcoming environment about anything from love, job, home, social injustice. There really are no limits. There are men who post on there too, but the strength of the women in the group give it a kinship that really makes you feel bonded to one another. It’s a chance to see that other women are also out there craving that camaraderie and closeness. I think it’s human nature.

One of my favorite depictions of the bonds between females is in the television show “Sex and the City.” The 4 women in that series really captured how your friends can truly become your family if you let them. A favorite quote of mine from SATC is “They say nothing lasts forever; dreams change, trends come and go, but friendships never go out of style”. That is some REALLY GOOD STUFF!

*This post is dedicated to Laura, Liz, Cragin & Jennifer. Miss your beautiful smiles each and every day!

** To any of my amazing women friends who may have unintentionally been left off this list, know you hold the deepest place in my heart. This was just a quick dip into a pool of my recollection & not a serious inventory of my friendships. I love you with all my heart and hope you understand it’s not my intention to exclude anyone with this posting.

What’s your song? You know that song you sing into your hairdryer when no one is watching and you turn it up to “HIGH” so you can blast your lungs out. I have two. Actually more than two, but my “go to” songs are “We Belong” by Pat Benatar and “I Wanna Dance With Somebody” by Whitney Houston. Those are my “I am FEELING IT” songs. There is something about belonging to the light AND the thunder that has always pulled me into PBT and her epic rock ballads. And Whitney?? Come on, “say ya wanna dance, dontcha wanna dance, say ya wanna dance” repeated like 14 times, is right there enough to hook me & my hair drying sessions for life.

Then come the Karaoke songs… “La Bamba” by Ritchie Valens is actually a fave karaoke song for me. I don’t actually speak Spanish, but I understand every word he’s saying & can sing it totally by memory by now. Taylor Swift’s “Blank Space” is a really great song for karaoke too, especially if you’re not with a really competitive crowd and people are feeling especially fun and flirty.

Car songs are a whole different ball game. Those are the songs you’re willing to risk looking like a total idiot to strangers everywhere to blare at the top of your lungs in your car along with either your radio, iPod or CD Player.

I tend to gravitate towards songs like “John Cougar, John Deer, John:13” by Keith Urban or “Sunday Morning ” or “Makes Me Wonder” by Maroon 5 for those types of songs. They all just have a great beat to them & make me want to SING! Keith makes me nostalgic and also want to just drive around on backcountry roads singing about “Marilyn Monroe & the Garden of Eden…never growing up, & never growing old!” And Maroon 5 always makes good use of a curse word. It never feels auxiliary, but instead like it was necessary for it to be part of the narrative. “It really makes me wonder if I …”

My newest “go to” for a good dashboard concert is “My Church” by Maren Morris. That girl can SING!! She TAKES you to church in that song!! It’s absolutely amazing. Talking all about Hank Williams leading the sermon & Johnny Cash leading the choir. She gets me singing like a little choir girl by the time the song is over.

So what’s your song? What makes you sing your heart out and just “FEEL IT” with the hairdryer? What song makes you feel brave at Karaoke? And what song does the interior of your car most frequently get to hear?

They say music feeds the soul, and in the end, all these songs are what help make up the soundtrack of our lives. And that’s just the really “good stuff”.

Today is an important day. It’s December 6th, just a regular Tuesday to most, but it’s also the last day you can enroll for your health insurance in most states. This might not seem like that big of a deal to most people, but to someone like me? Someone who depends on a battery for literally every beat of their heart. It’s a big deal. It can be lifesaving & life changing.

I haven’t been shy about discussing my many different health challenges here. In fact, when meeting a new friend recently I described myself as “kinda a handful at times”. But my medical complexities have always just been part of what has made me who I am. I can never remember a time when I didn’t know I was “different” from other people. Probably because most kids could run around in gym class and not fall down & break bones or pass out. I was just a more “special snowflake” with more delicate edges and a more refined weave.

But just because I accepted my challenges early didn’t mean they didn’t come with their own set of anxieties. When I grew up and started living on my own, I had the very harsh realization that I was someone with a “pre-existing condition”. No scratch that…I had about 5 if we’re being honest. And I was fortunate enough at the time to have a job, but I lived in fear every day of losing that job because how would I ever get insurance again if I lost it at that time? I suddenly went from a gal who in her early 20’s had some unlabeled/undiagnosed genetic disorder to being a 27 year old a year out from a major car accident who was pacemaker dependent for life and had a full facial reconstruction and still needed her top 4 teeth implanted into her mouth and a graft put into her right eyelid in order to be able to see clearly.

And that’s when the most amazing thing happened to me. An act was passed that protected people with pre-existing conditions from losing their health insurance or from maxing out their lifetime deductibles. Was it a perfect plan that was put in place? Nope. It still had a long way to go. But most things that start off that way need revisions and re-writes. Sometimes just the first drafts are enough to get the ball rolling.

My cousin Rachel was with me the day the Affordable Care Act was passed and I just collapsed into her into her arms in tears because FINALLY, I could breathe. Finally, I was SAFE. No one was ever going to just cut me off and say, “sorry, not my problem, you figure it out” ever again. And that was an incredible relief for someone like me who had been through so much and had tried to soldier on and keep fighting. It was just that little bit of security I needed and had so desperately wanted…and deserved.

So now that we’re at the end of this current administration and about to turn things over into the hands of someone else, I thought I should probably share my story with someone who really needed to hear it. So I wrote the man the act was affectionately named after. The President. I wrote President Obama a letter and just explained who I was and a bit of my story and thanked him for fighting for people like me. And you know what? He wrote me back. Well at least someone in his administration did, but it’s on White House stationery with his signature & it personally addressed things I wrote about in my letter. And it meant the world to me.

I am hopeful. Hopeful that things will continue to move forward and in a direction that only improves the healthcare system for Americans. Because I know just how stressful it can be to have the worries of not only your health and well-being but the financial burden it can cost you weighing on your shoulders. Please know that I have no judgment or political agenda in writing this. It’s just my experience and one I felt passionate about sharing. We can all learn so much from each other & that’s really what life is all about.

I know things will change, they always do, but sometimes that change can be good. And I’m all about “good stuff”.

Side note: A big shout out to my “Strong Ladies” who have been my absolute ROCKS through the last couple of years. Your strength through your own health journeys inspires me beyond any words I could ever put on a page.